When you are all alone you sense the need for intimacy. Intimacy is essentially as it sounds - in to me see. Everyone wants to be appreciated and celebrated. Sadly parents don't always dote on their children. Teachers in the classroom forget to connect with kids and tend toward being the disciplinarian. This leaves us longing for meaningful relationship wherever we can find it. As we leave adolescence and enter adulthood, we begin looking and dating in hopes of finding a meaningful connection. Some of us are more fortunate than others in our quest for true love.

The irony however is after you find true love and enter into a meaningful relationship (marriage being the most fulfilling of all), you than suddenly begin to appreciate your privacy. It is than you long to be alone a bit to celebrate yourself, explore your individuality, and enjoy your own identity. If we are not careful we can lose ourselves in relationships when we excessively strive to make the other person happy. When we excessively strive to make someone else happy we sometimes make ourselves miserable.

Finding the right balance between intimacy and privacy therefore requires discipline and understanding. It is a delicate and sensitive issue which requires tenderness and toughness when erecting appropriate perimeters.

Here are some excellent tips for securing both intimacy and privacy.

1. Always love, appreciate, celebrate yourself no matter whether you are alone or with somebody else.

If you cannot celebrate you, nobody else will want to. People learn how to treat you based upon the way you treat and talk about yourself.

2. Establish perimeters and boundaries early on in a relationship. This means make sure you are clear about your expectations and the space you require personally. Make it known what you will not tolerate. What you tolerate will eventually dominate. Gently and firmly make known your boundaries and perimeters. You will be respected for doing so and far more happy over the long term.

3. Set times for developing relational closeness and times for personal investment. Be sure always to take time for yourself. Personal time is of utmost importance as it ensures your sanity, personal well-being and maintenance. Commit to an exercise routine, reading, and personal growth. Incorporate social interaction into your life and work week. Endeavor to be a well rounded and whole person. By doing so others will find you increasingly attractive and want to be around you.

4. Arrange for outside help. If you have children get a babysitter. If your work is demanding, delegate tasks to others. Make sure you have time to take vacations and enjoy your weekends. Don't be a workaholic. Enjoy your life. Have older children help around the house. Get a yard man to mow your grass and care for plants. Find ways to buy back your life. Your time is more valuable than money. You can replace money, but time is gone forever.

5. Take an interest in your partner's life. Don't get caught up in minute daily details that drive each of you crazy. Get back to the basics which brought you together in the first place. Don't let work drown out the simplicity of life and the joys you both share. Actively listen to what is going on in each other's lives. Converse with your heart not just your head.

6. Take up a hobby you can enjoy together. Find a sport, activity, or interest you both can actively get involved with to develop your friendship and comradery.

7. Celebrate each other's successes. Life is much sweeter when you have somebody cheering you on and celebrating your personal victories. Be a cheerleader for somebody. You get what you give.

Let intimacy and privacy be equally orchestrated in your life as you allocate your time and energy. Balancing both and valuing each accordingly will assure you personal and relational fulfillment.

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